This Rambling Is Going Somewhere, I Promise

We were trapped in the limbo between where we were and where we wanted to be.

–David Levithan

My brain is mush today.  I don’t do well in high heat, and we are in one of those over ninety degrees for several days heat waves. There is a giant hole in the ground outside our house (city doing things to stuff under where the sidewalk used to be.) I have an ice pack at the base of my spine, to stay cool, and ingesting enough water to fill a small swimming pool. I would like to be in a swimming pool, actually, preferably an indoor one, but that would require leaving the house, so I refer to temperature and giant hole above.

There originally was a topic for this post, when I’d planned to post it, on Monday. That ship has sailed, and it is not coming back, so I am going to ramble. I have no idea whether the post I’d planned had anything to do with the quote above, which I love dearly, or if I have any chance of staying on topic, but I have a goal of blogging  three times a week, dagnabit, and I am going to stick to that. I had a writing teacher once (she would correct me that she was a group facilitator, not a teacher, but I learned stuff, Julia, so it counts. I will probably have a heroine named Julia someday, and That Julia will never know, because she doesn’t read romance. Ah, but you did, Julia. You read -okay, listened to- my stuff in group, so that counts, too.) who said that the practice of writing would bring the product of writing. In short, put pen on paper when she said “go” and then keep it moving until she called time.

It’s kind of like that with blogging. If I start blabbering on the paper, or screen, in this case, I’ll wind up talking about something, so there really are no wasted entries. It’s all going somewhere, even if that somewhere is priming the pump for other writing. I usually do need to prime. This morning, I’ve been filling the pages of a neon green legal pad with swoopy handwritten notes for one project, and, all things being equal, that’s where I’d like to stay. Commitment, though. If I don’t post today, then I’ll let it slide until tomorrow, which is my day away from the house (but not from computers, but more on that later) so that would run into Skye’s posting, and weekend posting would not be the most convenient thing, so it had to be today.

Today’s quote, taken from one of the stories in How They Met And Other Stories, fits the way I’m feeling. Real Life Romance Hero, greatly improved from  his own challenges, suggested I take today to rest, but how can I when I am literally years behind where I wanted to be? Years. Oh, and I suppose I’m going to fix that all in one day? Um, no. That’s not realistic or even possible, butbutbutbutbutbutbut….yeah. That’s the thing, that limbo of being between where we are and where we want to be.

Where I am now is not where I would have thought I’d be  years ago, before I got the phone call from my dad’s neighbor, before that first time Real Life Romance Hero and I waited on the front porch of where we used to  live for the ambulance to arrive after that first asthma attack. A book a year, that was the plan, maybe two if I really got into my groove, but it’s been long enough since a release that I could count as a new author under certain criteria. That’s neither good nor bad, merely is, and I need to be okay with that. it’s a fact. Life happens. I can’t control that.

What I can control is what I do with it. I can write the best story I can, and put everything I have into it. That neon green legal pad and I were up past midnight and up again before six, because my hero and heroine needed me. Bless their poor broken hearts, and my poor scrambled brain. I can’t do everything. I can’t write x years worth of books in one day, but I can write this scene. I can get the first of three blog entries posted. Julia was right. The practice brings forth the product.

I wrote some crap in those sessions, but I also wrote the opening of My Outcast Heart, a good deal of Orphans in the Storm, and a good deal, if not all, of “Never Too Late” in those sessions, too. So there is some precedent. Here I am, a good deal (yes, I did just use that phrase in the line above, but it’s my blog and I’ll repeat if I want to) farther down the page than I’d intended, so that’s good. I’d thought about doing a video blog for today, but my one rule about video blogging (so far) is that I only make videos when my makeup does not melt off my face while I am applying it. Kind of important, that one. I’m sure there will be others, but for today, that’s enough.

So that’s it for today. It’s hot. I’m cranky. I don’t like summer, and I don’t like being denied my coffee house time or the accompanying iced tea. All the more reason to go back into story world until it’s time to meet Housemate for soft serve in the evening, DJ-ing the soundtrack for the drive on the new smartphone RLRH and Housemate (and the very persuasive Shawn D at the phone store) talked me into. We’re all a little disoriented on that one, but I am utterly delighted that there is an office program on the actual phone, so new writing toy. Rather makes that trip to where I want to be shorter, and with a better soundtrack.

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