Hypercritical Gremlin Interview, Part One

Welp, four more days until Christmas, not nearly ready, but I did watch A Charlie Brown Christmas last night, so that’s a start. By Real Life Romance Hero’s and my reckoning, we have gone over one solid month with somebody in our family sick. Not always the same person, thankfully -there were a few days there where I was the healthy one- but mostly it’s been me, which is weird, because I am the Energizer Bunny, and tend to keep on going, no matter what. Which may explain things right there. Sometimes, when the brain won’t allow for a break, the body overrules and takes what it needs.

BUT IF YOU’RE SO BUSY, WHY AREN’T YOU RICH, OR AT LEAST HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW RELEASES, YOU SLACKER?

That would be the voice of my hypercritical gremlins. They, along with my characters, live in my head (though in a much dodgier neighborhood) and are a talkative bunch. They have extremely high standards, keep excellent track of what everybody else is doing, and offer advice unsolicited. Today, they get blog space, because “blog entry” is next on my list, and I am determined to get everyday things out of the way so I can concentrate on Christmas preparations.

ALSO, YOU WANT TO PLAY SIMS.

:ahem: Yes, yes, I do. I assume you guys have a problem with that.

OF COURSE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY THOUSANDS OF  WORDS YOU COULD POUND OUT IN THE TIME IT TAKES YOU TO PUT IN ALL THOSE FRIVOLOUS THINGS LIKE MODS AND CUSTOM CONTENT?

Probably not many, because I don’t work that way at this stage of the game, but I do usually have a legal pad next to my computer and jot down ideas and dialogue while I play. I find it relaxing.

SO YOU ADMIT YOU’RE A LAZY SLACKER!

No, I admit that I am finding what works for me. Sometimes, I’ve sketched out entire scenes while doing that or cracked character issues that had me puzzled before. Do you guys always shout everything?

YES!

Do you always shout it in unison?

YES! ! ALSO, YOU ARE BAD AND STUPID AND IRRELEVANT FOR NOT SEEING THE NEW STAR WARS. OR EVEN PLANNING TO SEE IT.

If Real Life Romance Hero wants to see it for date night, I’ll go with him, but I’m more of a Merchant-Ivory girl, when left to my own devices.

YOU DO KNOW ONE OF THEM IS DEAD, RIGHT? THERE WILL NEVER BE A NEW MERCHANT-IVORY PRODUCTION. ALSO, MOST HISTORICAL MOVIES ARE FICTIONALIZED BIOGRAPHIES THESE DAYS BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS OR CAN RELATE TO OLD TIMEY DRAMAS, YOU RELIC. HAVE YOU SEEN THE SALES OF HISTORICAL VERSUS CONTEMPORARY ROMANCES THESE DAYS? WRITE WHAT SELLS.

:drinks tea: Ah, the bunny trails. Okay, Richard Curtis, then. I saw About Time this weekend, and it was wonderful. Emotionally effective, intimate, made me cry more than once, and reminded me why I write romance, though it isn’t a romance (but there is a romance in it.) Also, Bill Nighy can do no wrong. He seriously can’t, at least acting-wise, though I am certain he has hypercritical gremlins of his own, who would tell me otherwise.

HE DOES. WE FOLLOW THEM ON TWITTER.

Gremlins are on Twitter?

GREMLIN TWITTER, WHERE WE CAN TALK ABOUT ALL YOU TWITS. WE NOTICE YOU DIDN’T ANSWER US ABOUT THE HISTORICAL VS CONTEMPORARY THING.

That’s because I am not having that conversation.

:HUFF: OH ALL RIGHT. THEN AT LEAST WRITE REGENCY. EVERYBODY LOVES REGENCY.

That’s not true.

YES IT IS!

No, it’s not. Regency is a very popular setting, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only one out there, or that I am suited to write in it. Remember all that time I spent trying to write Regency already?

:CLINK GLASSES AND HIGH FIVES: GOOD TIMES!

No, not good times.

GOOD TIMES FOR US! WE ESPECIALLY LIKED ALL THE CRYING AND HEADACHES.

I didn’t.

WE KNOW! THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE AN OVERSENSITVE WUSS.

Really? You’re going there? I thought you had better ammunition than that.

EXACTLY WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?

Mostly, that you must not know me very well.

WE’VE BEEN LIVING IN YOUR HEAD SINCE YO UKNEW YOU HAD ONE. MAYBE BEFORE.

So? Look, I get that you guys probably aren’t moving out, anytime soon. You like the décor –

THERE COULD BE MORE ART ON THE WALLS. REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU SOLD ONE OF YOUR PURSES AND THE PERSON SAID YOUR HOUSE MUST LOOK AMAZING WITH ALL YOUR ART ON THE WALLS, AND YOU WERE ALL CRINGEY BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE ANY UP? NOTE WE USED PRESENT TENSE, AHEM.

–as I was saying, you mostly like the décor, the food is good, and you like petting my bookshelves when you think I’m not looking–

ALSO GOING THROUGH YOUR OLD PRINTOUTS AND FINDING GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. REALLY HAD A THING FOR GERUNDS THERE IN THE LATE NINETIES, DIDN’T YOU?

Okay, you guys need a hobby. Playing Sims is fun.

YOU DO KNOW THAT’S ONLY PIXELATED BARBIES, RIGHT?

I do know that the original game was pitched as a virtual dollhouse simulator, so what’s your point?

THAT YOU ARE CHILDISH.

Obviously, you haven’t been paying attention to my saved games, or any of my stories.

THANKS FOR THE REMINDER! YOU’RE NOT NICE, EITHER. WHAT ARE PEOPLE GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU IF YOU HAVE CHARACTERS DO THINGS LIKE YOU DO?

Hopefully, that I can tell an emotionally compelling story. Are you guys about done now?

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

In that case, we’ll have to continue this conversation later, because it’s time for me to move along with my day. Any parting comments for this session?

YES. YOUR ART JOURNALING IS AMATEURISH AT BEST AND NOBODY WANTS TO SEE IT. COVER REVEALS, THAT’S WHAT READERS LIKE. ALSO, YOUR DISLIKE OF THE WORD, ‘JOURNAL’ MEANS YOU ARE NOT A REAL WRITER, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

Actually, I wasn’t, but thanks for sharing your opinion. I need to go write and send off an invoice now, so we’re done for the day.

FINE. WE’RE GOING TO HANG OUT HERE AND PICK ON YOUR READING CHOICES.

As long as you do it quietly, knock yourselves out.

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Hypercritical Gremlin Interview, Part One

  1. My gremlins want me to write the next thing for the overseas client, but I think I’ll give myself the day off and bake. My people need cookies, and I need diet-friendly cheesecake. I think I’m going to invent the latter today. 🙂

    Hope your Christmas is gremlin-free.

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